Today, I am launching a campaign called for He4Sammich. I am reaching out to men everywhere because we love sammiches. We want to end gender inequality, and to do this, we need everyone involved. This is the first campaign of its kind across the interwebz. We want to try to mobilize as many men and boys as possible to be advocates for their own kitchen. And, we don’t just want to talk about it. We want to try and make sure that we take back the kitchen. Let gender equality be what they call it – but the fire and the the flame belong to men – and we shall make sammiches.

I was never appointed as Goodwill Ambassador for Sammiches – though I think it would be an awesome job. And, the more I speak to men about making their own sammiches, the more I realized that it too was fighting for women’s rights. If there is one thing I know for certain, a woman’s place is not in the kitchen. They don’t want to make you a Sammich. Men – it is time we Make our own Damn Sammich. Liberate women from even the idea of having to cook for you.

For the record, Sandwiches were attributed to English Noble John Montagu, whom at a poker night ordered cold cuts between two pieces of bread so that he could continue to play cards, drink, smoke cigars and eat – while still playing a great hand. Sandwiches by definition is the foundation of all that is men and good in the honor of camaraderie of men, game, company, good times and stories told. If there were a Real Men of Genius jingle to be done – it should be sung about the Earl of Sandwich. That men should enjoy sammiches and women should be free from having to make them – today we make the stand - #He4Sammich

I started questioning gender-based assumptions a long time ago. When I was 5, I told my mother I wanted to grow up to be a Spatula. And she was confused. She asked what ever did I mean, and I said – "I don’t ever want to get married, not ever". She replied – "Honey, that is a BACHELOR, and you best learn how to cook". From that day forward – I was committed to learning the craft of Sammich, and more. When at 14, I took a Home Economics class, and I was the only boy in the room, I knew I had to bring more men into the kitchen. When at 15, I hosted parties and pot-lucks, and all of my dishes flew off the table – I knew there was something great about making sammiches. And when I was 18, at college – I could make a 5 course meal with a microwave, crock pot and toaster oven; I knew that #He4Sammich was too important to save for myself.

I decided that I was a bachelor, and this seemed uncomplicated to me. But my recent research has shown me that bachelor has become an unpopular word. Women are chiding to ‘Man – up’ or ‘Grow – up’ or ‘Take Responsibility’. Apparently, I’m among the ranks of men whose expressions are seen as too strong, too aggressive, isolating, and antidisestablishmentarianist. A man that had gone his own way – without women, and without concern for ever being with a woman. #MGTOW

Why has the kitchen become such an uncomfortable idea for men? Did we not buy the whole house, and I think it is right to say that the kitchen is the most important part of the house. I think it is right that we should not be shunted off into ‘man caves’ or cast out into the garage. I think it is right that women be liberated – and we men, take back the kitchen. Be involved in the recipes and dinners that will build a life. I think it is right that in today’s age and gender free ideology – men make a stand – take back the kitchen. #He4Sammich

But sadly, I can say that there is no one country in the world where all men can expect to see these rights. No country in the world can yet say that they achieved gender equality. These rights, I consider to be human rights, but I am one of the lucky ones. My kitchen been liberated – it is mine.

Men, I would like to take this opportunity to extend your formal invitation. Gender equality is your issue, too. Because to date, there has never been a bacon, blue cheese mushroom burger with fries that has ever asked you of your political view point, it doesn’t care your voting history, your salary, and certainly it will not be jealous if you have another. There is a perfect harmony in the relationship for men and Sammich – they belong together in this struggle of our time. While suicide maybe the biggest killer of men between 20 and 49 in the UK, a Sammich will never judge you, it will never make you feel less, a Sammich does not distort the sense of what constitutes to be a man. Men – do not surrender your power to have a good sammich. It is time to make your own. #He4Sammich

We don’t often talk about men being subjected by snubs of spouse and girlfriends that do not want to make you a sammich – but the pain is real; and worse – is a poor sandwich delivered with angst, entitlement and strings. If men don’t want this passive aggressive food black mail in their lives – it is time to learn to cook for yourself. It is time – say it with me, #He4Sammich

Both men and women should feel free of sammich. Men should feel competent to make their own, women should enjoy never having to make a sammich again, nor even asked to ever do so – you are free from that gender stereo type – for decades you have said a woman’s place is not in the kitchen, we – as men – agree. We are going to make our own damn Sammich. It’s all about freedom, and knowing that there is a good, argument free, guilt unbridled sammich, with extra bacon. This is what #He4Sammich stands for – brings to the World Community.

I want men to take up this mantle so that their dinner, brunches, and bar-b-ques can be free from prejudice, but also so that their sammiches have opportunity to be shared and delight guests; reclaim that kitchen, that part of the house you may have abandoned, and in doing so, be a more true and complete version of themselves.

You might be thinking, “Who is this Harley Riding guy, and what is he doing babbling on the interwebz?” And, it’s a really good question. I’ve been asking myself the same thing.

All I know is that I care about this problem, and I want to make it better. And, having seen what I’ve seen, and given the chance, I feel it is my responsibility to say something.

President Kennedy never said – “Ask not what Sammich can do for you – Ask what you can do for Sammich” - But maybe he should have.

In my nervousness for this blog and in my moments of doubt, I told myself firmly, “If not me, who? If not now, when?” I thought if I had the opportunity to help women be liberated from the kitchen and cast off any remaining gender stereotypes, and if I could help men to see that the perfect sandwich is waiting for their creation – their inspiration – their own hand in the making; I knew that I could no longer remain silent. If you feel that Men should Go their Own Way, that Men should Make their Own Damn Sammich – Then now is the time

If you believe in equality, you might be just one sammich away from freedom that I spoke of earlier, and for this, I applaud you. We are struggling for a uniting world, but the good news is, we have a uniting movement. It is called #He4Sammich. I invite you to step forward, to be seen and to ask yourself, “If not me, who? If not now, when?”

Thank you very, very much.

This is a parody of the Emma Watson UN Speech - I had posted it on 6 other websites & tweeted it well over 100 times since it's creation.... it has been scrubbed from the net.

F*ck Socialist Censorshit.